“We ourselves and our cultures are all left with a scar or a limp that shows we have mangled or managed our way through a great something. And, we are still here. Crookedy here and there. But in some greater self, whole, and with Love.” ~Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés
You can find the whole text of “A Valentine For The World: The Lost Story” here
What has been going on around here? Well, life goes on. After two months in the US which included:
-5 trips up and down the east coast between DC and NY (I swear to god I-95 was trying to kill me),
-4 times that I had to redo experiment creation and data analysis for my project because of software upgrades,
-3 bouts of illness (two colds and the stomach flu),
-2 very large checks made out to my contractor, and
-1 poster presentation at a work conference
I had a minor nervous breakdown about all the running around I was doing and was cursing my decision to set up my schedule such that all my US-based life is crammed into two months. Remembering “this too shall pass” helped to take one hour at a time, put one foot in front of the other, and somehow end up at the airport at the appointed time with the appropriate luggage. Except without my guitar. Sad panda. Unfortunately my third arm hasn’t grown in yet and I can only deal with so many bags at once.
Each time I leave DC to return to Basel it gets harder and harder to bring myself to go, but I think that this reaction serves as a reminder of what I want and what I’m working towards. Namely, being able to keep one foot on each continent for now but eventually ending up in DC full time. Do you remember the scene at the end of “When Harry Met Sally” when Harry says “when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible”? Well that’s how I feel about DC. I realize where I want to be and I want it to start NOW! <petulantly crosses arms and stamps foot>.
No one has ever accused me of being a patient person, tee hee. In general it is far too easy for me to focus on the next step instead of fully living in the now, but very rarely do I get such a strong, decisive feeling about what I want in the future. I don’t make five-year plans, or even three-year plans for that matter. Usually an opportunity presents itself and I wing it to some extent, jumping in with both feet. To be in a situation where I know exactly what I want and have it be two years away (which feels like forever but I know will pass by quickly) is a new sensation and quite frustrating.
New Years resolutions are not something I actively participate in, but maybe for this year a Valentine’s Day resolution is in order:
“…despite whichever challenges you may have, you were born with Unending Courage and Limitless Love to use as brightly as you wish – as deeply as you dare – during your one precious and wild lifetime on this earth.” ~Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés
Unending Courage! Limitless Love! A good motto to live by. As a dear friend said to me a couple weeks ago, “Girl, no walls. You shouldn’t have them. You’re too young and vibrant and fabulous. You, my darling girl, are too young to be so jaded.” She’s right. It’s no good to focus on what isn’t there, we need to bask in the brilliance of what is. This goes for everything in life, not just the topic of that conversation (men. ahem.). Some people are all sunshine and rainbows from morn ’til night. That isn’t me – I’ve always tended to be more introspective – and to be honest I always assume people that are constantly overly happy-go-lucky have to be hiding something or are in denial of some serious personal issues. But I don’t actually want to be that cynical and maybe it’s jealously that is talking here. There is nothing wrong with wanting a little piece of that happiness and joy and making an effort to incorporate it into every day life.
But never fear, all is not doom and gloom, I have plenty of pretty mountains to visit and papers to write to occupy myself here in Basel.